Hope Deferred

Original post 1/18/2015

“My mom died when I was 11, and then my stepfather was kidnapped and murdered.” 
“He beats me, but I love him, and I want to respect him because the Bible says I must.”
“I don’t have room for my other children to live with me.”
“I just want to see my children, but they live too far for me to see them.” “They steal your things when you’re not looking.”
“My son was ripped from my arms, and I haven’t seen him since.
“There’s no food. I can’t go to school because I don’t have a uniform.”
“I have no shoes.”
“My mom abandoned us.”

Before long, the stories begin to run into each other and you can hardly make sense of what you’re hearing…

“MyentirefamilyhasHIVandTBandwecan’ttakethemedicinebecausewedon’thaveenoughtoeatandsothemedicinemakesussickthesangomasputcursesonussowecan’tlearnmybrotherdiedonMonday,mysisterdiedonThursdayandmyfatherisinthehospitalIhaveasonthat’s12andsickathome,butIhavetocomeheretothehospitaltobewithmy6yearoldwho’salsosick.WhatdoIdoI’masinglemomandIcan’tbethereforbothofthem.”

And then you have statements like this…
“My dream has been crushed, and I don’t have another one.”

Over the last year, I have heard all of these stories. All of them have broken my heart, but none so much as that last statement. My dream has been crushed, and I don’t have another one. It is the beginning of hopelessness, and hopelessness is the beginning of giving up entirely, and giving up entirely is the beginning of dying on the inside.

Here is the story that led to a dream being crushed:

I had heard that she’d gone to Barberton to apply for school. I have to be very transparent here; my first thought was no, please don’t go, and then I went to yes, God, it’s the desire of her heart, please let this happen. She would be going back to school! The dream that she’s had since her daughter was born would be fulfilled. She has a plan! Her daughter would go to creche (daycare) during the day, stay with her Gogo (grandmother) at night, and she would come home on the weekends to see her daughter.

As I looked into her face that Tuesday and saw the excitement and hope it conveyed, I caught her excitement! She was confident that this was her year! The school would call her on Monday to let her know whether or not she was accepted, and she waited with hope!

Exactly seven days later, when I saw her face, I knew she had not been accepted. My heart fell. She didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t push. I just told her I loved her and I’m here for her. 

When we arrived to prepare food for the after-school program, she was in the kitchen—quiet, very quiet. She stayed in the kitchen working the pots while the rest of us chopped veggies and talked excitedly about this being our first day back. “You’re awfully quiet this morning,” I said to her. Her response: “I’m just quiet these days.”

 
As tea time approached and everyone gathered, cold drinks were poured, and the cake was placed on serviettes, I prayed for her. She smiled, but it never quite reached her eyes. 

My lesson for the day revolved around dreams for the new year, so we started around the group, and each person shared their dream for the new year, at least until we got to her. With a shrug of her shoulder, she said, “My dreams are crushed.” I then asked, “What about your daughter? Do you have a dream for her?” She just shrugged her shoulders and sipped from her coke. With the cup raised to her lips, I saw her chin quiver, and then hot tears of hope deferred began to fall.

 
The Bible tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick, and without a vision, the people perish. When we don’t have hope, how can we dream? I do not want this precious child of God to lose all hope! I don’t want her to feel like she can never dream again because dreams don’t come true. I want her to dream big dreams for herself and her daughter. 

I will continue to give her words of encouragement, and I will continue to tell her that God will provide her with the desires of her heart. I will continue to be light to her, but I need your help. Please stand in the gap for her. Please stand in the gap for all who believe their dreams are crushed, and they don’t have another. 

God is the God of dreams and hope, and He is the God of promise!